Little Moments
by Chedea
Summary: A bunch of little oneshots about life with the Cullens. Because I just cant resist the urge. All of them are meant to be hilarious. T to be safe. You'll see why.
1. Chapter 1

**I own none of this, its all Stephanie Meyer**

Rosalie's POV

I had just returned from shopping with Alice. I had several bags in my hands. I lugged them to my room myself. I had _thought_ perhaps Emmett would hear I was home and come and help me. But no luck. He was probably playing that stupid computer game again. I had no idea what was so appealing about it anyway.

I got into our bedroom and there he was, his eyes glued to the screen. I sighed loudly as I put my things down.

"Oh hi Rose. How was shopping?" he asked. His voice was far away. He obviously didn't care. I could say I had fallen madly in love with the boy who worked at Abercrombie and Fitch and was planning on running off with him this very night and would have nodded and said 'that's nice'. If that boy was willing to pay more attention to me than my own husband I was going to seriously consider it.

"Fine. Are you still playing that stupid game?" I asked impatiently. Since when had a game become more appealing than I was?

"Babe, World of Warcraft is _not_ stupid!"

"Okay Emmett, whatever you say."

"Did you get anything good?" he asked. He was acting like he was interested so I would tell him what I bought and he could pretend as though he was listening. Fine, two could play at that game.

"Some things. A few new shirts, some new shoes, oh and this," I said as I pulled out a Victoria's Secret bag. My last stop at the mall had been to buy some new lingerie. All of my old stuff was more than a few months old and I was getting bored with it already. So I noiselessly slid on one of the very revealing nightgowns and stood in the room, waiting. I could see my reflection in the computer screen. Emmett turned around when he saw the reflection and grinned mischievously.

"Why Mrs. Cullen, what _are_ you wearing?" he asked, lust in his eyes. I _knew _I was more important than that game.

"Do you not like it?" I asked. He got up and crossed the room to me. I pushed him back on our bed and climbed into his lap. Just as I was about to detail exactly what I was planning to do to show him I was much more interesting than I computer a sharp knock came to the door. Before we had a chance to respond it opened.

"Rosalie I was wondering if perhaps you would be able to—OH MY GOD! I AM SO SORRY!" Carlisle ran out of the room as quickly as he could manage. He was one of the few of the family that would not know if something was going on in our bedroom. Alice would see it beforehand if need be, Edward would hear our thoughts and Jasper would feel the emotions. Only Carlisle or Esme would come in and not know what to expect.

"Well that thoroughly ruined the mood," I mumbled. I felt stupid and embarrassed in this little nighty now. I got off of Emmett and changed into normal clothes.

Suddenly I heard Edward laughing hysterically somewhere in the house. He had either just read Carlisle's thoughts or mine and Emmett's. Either way, he found the situation hilarious.

"SHUT UP EDWARD!" I shouted. He only laughed harder.

"I SWEAR I AM GOING TO KILL YOU…AGAIN!"

I heard a bang and was pretty sure he had fallen to the ground he was laughing so hard. He was such a pain in the ass.

When I turned back to Emmett to ask him what he wanted to do now he was back in his computer chair, playing that _infernal_ game again. I was already irritated that he was so addicted to it and that my fun had been ruined. Without warning I took it and threw the computer through the open window beside him. He looked up at me incredulously.

"Rose what was that for?"

I threw my hands into the air and stormed out of the room. He was impossible. Now, to go pummel Edward…

_AN: I couldn't resist._


	2. Volvo

Jasper's POV

"Emmett, Edward is going to kill us."

"Calm down, we'll be fine."

"You _know_ how protective he is of her," I warned. He did know, he was just choosing to be an idiot.

"It washes off Jasper. He will figure that out eventually," Emmett said, holding a up a can of the spray pain. It was _supposed_ to be used on your car for decoration. A lot of the seniors spray-painted their cars with it after graduation. The only problem with that was no one, _no one_ messed with Edward's car. You just didn't do it.

My only concern with Emmett's "brilliant plan" was that we wouldn't live long enough to tell Edward it washed off.

Emmett was obsessed with pranking Edward. It was so hard because he could obviously read people's thoughts so he knew if you were planning something. Besides the fact that Emmett couldn't hold a poker face to save his life, Edward would see in his mind exactly what was going on when he got back from Bella's. He was currently at her house, staying with her for the night like he always did. That was the only way we even got _close_ to the Volvo without a threat of very serious bodily harm.

I was thankful that Emmett did not want to do this to the Vanquish. If he tried that I would not want to be here when Edward found out. In fact I would not want to be in the _state_ when Edward found out.

So Emmett, who thought he finally was going to be able to pull one over on Edward, popped open a can of blue spray paint and began to make designs. He even drew a crude and very unflattering picture of Edward on the hood, like a giant decal.

"Come on Jasper, join the fun!" he called.

"Oh no Emmett, this is your mess. Feeling his rage will be enough. I don't need him pummeling me as well."

"Suit yourself, but when this one goes down in the history books―"

"As what the day Emmett was murdered by Edward because he is an idiot?"

"No as the greatest day EVER!"

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. I was trying hard not to be influenced by his enthusiasm. I didn't want to be caught red-handed decimating Edward's car. The sky was beginning to lighten as Emmett finished up. He took the spray paint cans and tossed them in the trash just as Alice called out to us that Edward was on his way home. If we didn't get the hell out now we were both going to die.

I felt his emotions long before I saw him. He was content, the happiness of his night still in him. I winced, knowing what was coming. I saw him come through the woods near our house and then stop completely. Emmett was laughing quietly. He was in his room getting dressed but he was watching from his window.

"EMMETT!" Edward roared. Either he had read Emmett's not very well hidden thoughts, or he just knew who was stupid enough to do something like this. It didn't really matter which, what mattered was that Emmett was going to die.

I could feel his fury and I cringed. Alice was beside me, already changed and ready for school.

"You okay?" she asked, her voice quiet. I nodded weakly and she rubbed my back with her hand as she stared out the window herself. The feeling of her touch was slightly soothing, but it didn't block out the horrible feeling that I was getting from him.

Emmett breezed past us, a huge grin on his face.

"Why Edward, you're home. Wow, what happened to your car?" he asked. He was unable to keep the laughter out of his voice.

"AS IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW!" he shouted back. Emmett was trying _so_ hard not to laugh anymore, but he was fighting a losing battle. He busted out laughing and almost fell to the ground. Before he had the chance Edward knocked him down himself. He was beating on him pretty thoroughly when Esme came up to the window.

"Oh my goodness! What is going on here?" she asked, her mouth agape.

"Look at Edward's car," Alice said, pointing to the Volvo. Esme gasped.

"Tell me he didn't," she said, shaking her head.

"I told him Esme, I told him. He's an idiot. It washes off though. I don't know if Edward is going to figure that out before he kills Emmett though," I explained. The two of them were wrestling around outside. Emmett's glee had dampened now that he saw how seriously angry Edward was. As they continued to growl and snap at each other Rose and Carlisle came over to the window.

"Did he go through with it?" Rose asked the group of us. We nodded, transfixed on the scene unfolding before us. Emmett knocked Edward back. He flew over the top of his now colorful car. He landed on the passenger side and looked down at one of the things Emmett had written and drawn.

"ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE YEAR OLD VIRGIN?! NOT FUNNY!" Edward bellowed. Emmett sniggered and the Edward launched another attack.

"They should really stop that," Carlisle said, not moving to say anything. Alice looked at me. Fine. I concentrated on a soothing feeling to dampen the anger that was rolling at me in waves. I saw it hit the two of them, slowing their movements.

"STOP IT JASPER!" Edward called. He looked in at the window and the rest of the family watching him.

"Edward it's washable. Take it through the car wash before you got to school and it wont even matter," Alice said to him. He looked at her thoughtfully, punched Edward once more in the face and then got up and brushed himself off.

"Fine."

"Can we ride with you today Edward? I don't think I will be able to stand Emmett's bragging," I said as he came in the door.

"Sure, let me get changed though. We obviously have to pick up Bella."

I nodded and then when he was ready to go we left in his car. He was fuming as we drove down the road. He was also incredibly embarrassed. He didn't want anyone to see his car in its current state but he didn't really have a choice.

"Crap," he said as we sat a t a red light.

"What?" Alice asked from the backseat. She was seated beside me, her tiny hand entwined with mine.

"I usually pick up Bella at this time. If I go through the car wash I will be late getting her. Its all the way across town…"

"So pick her up now, what's the problem?" Alice said, as though she didn't see a problem. She didn't wipe the smirk off her face.

"You _know_ what the problem is Mary Alice!" he shouted. His voice was loud and angry in the interior of the car. He was seriously pissed. Even if I _couldn't_ read his emotions his use of her full name was indicator enough.

But as we pulled through the intersection he turned onto her street. He was going to choose being extremely embarrassed rather than leaving her to wonder.

He went up to her door as Alice and I sat in the car waiting.

"What do you think she'll do when she sees?" I asked Alice. She only smiled.

"It was pretty damn funny huh?"

"Hilarious."

Bella came outside, took one look at his car and asked what had happened to it.

"Emmett happened to it. We have to go through the car wash before school. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," she said as the walked closer. Then she noticed Alice and I in the back seat and smiled. "Hey Alice, hey Jasper."

We waved. As she rounded the car to get in the passenger seat she paused before opening the door. She looked at the door, at Edward and then back at the door. Then she burst out laughing hysterically. Edward's rage flared up again.

Emmett was _so_ going to die.

_AN you just dont mess with his car_


	3. SlipandSlide

Alice's POV

"Jasper will you knock it off?" I whispered angrily. This was the third time he had tried to feel me up in about a fifteen-minute period. I swatted his hand off my thigh again and growled very quietly. Normally if Jasper was feeling this playful I was more than happy to go along with it. But tonight I just wasn't in the mood. Literally.

"Then tell _them_ to stop!" he whispered right back, pointing to Edward and Bella. We were all in the living room, supposedly watching a movie. Even though they weren't going crazy with PDA, they must have been thinking about it, because Jasper was feeling extra frisky.

"Get a room you two!" I called just loud enough for them to hear. Bella looked at me over Edward's shoulder and blushed horribly. I wasn't really angry, just annoyed. We sat on our couches for a few more minutes before Jasper's hand wandered where I had already told him it had no place being tonight.

"Oh for the _last_ time Jasper, please keep you hands to yourself!" I shouted. I got up and left him behind, stalking out of the house. He would have followed me most likely, but he could feel the irritation rolling off of my in waves so he figured it would not be in his best interest to do so. He was right—I probably would have pounded him. It wasn't _technically_ his fault, but I was still aggravated with him.

I thought Edward had decided to come out and talk to me when I heard the door to the garage open. I had chosen this spot because I figured no one would bother me here. I was about to tell him to go the hell away when I noticed that it was a small feminine frame in the doorway, not Edward. Bella.

"Hey Alice. The guys gave up watching TV for a round of video games so I figured I would come find you and entertain myself. You know, as much as they might think, watching them play is _not_ as exciting as they want you to believe."

I snorted—I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Yeah, and you only live here half the time. Imagine what it gets like around four in the morning when there isn't much else to do…" I shuddered involuntarily. Those were _not_ good times.

"So…why did you freak out on Jasper earlier?" she asked, seating herself on an upside-down bucket. I was sitting across from her on a workbench. I sighed.

"Well Bella, Jasper and I…we have been having some…problems," I said. Oh God, I didn't know if I could say this to her! But she was my sister, my confidante. She listened to what ever I said. She wouldn't judge me, or think badly of me if I told her. Would she?

Her face became immediately very serious.

"What kind of problems Alice?" she asked, sounding very worried. She thought we were having _serious_ troubles. Well, our troubles _were_ serious, just not in the way she thought.

"Nothing like that Bella, its just our…um…sex life has been a little out of whack lately."

She flushed a deep red. It was so funny that even the _thought_ of sex made her blush. I couldn't imagine what she would look like if anyone ever seriously propositioned her with it. Well really I didn't want to, because the only person who would be doing that was Edward. I felt bad that he had to see the thoughts and images that we had while…doing the deed. I couldn't imagine having those sorts of things in my head. Poor guy had to be around all of us and couldn't even get laid.

I could tell Bella wanted to help me. She wanted to ask what I meant, and if she couldn't give me advice she would at least listen. But she was too embarrassed to even ask me to go on.

"If you don't feel comfortable talking about this Bella its okay I just―"

"No Alice, go ahead. I just…didn't expect that you would want to…talk about stuff like that…with me."

"Well okay," I said. I paused, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was going to laugh at me.

"Well the last time we…you know…there were some, uh, complications…"

"Complications?"

"Lets just say it included a slip-and-slide, chocolate sauce and spandex. That's all I'm saying."

Bella nodded at me, her face contorted as she tried to contain her laughter. I smiled unconsciously.

"Well Jasper had some…issues with it I guess, and it didn't end up working out the way we had hoped. So now every time I think about, you know, doing it, I just…laugh. Its really not funny, and I shouldn't laugh at him because it kind of hurts his ego—you know that obsession men have with being good in bed and all. But I can't help it Bella, I really can't."

"What I don't understand is why you even bothered with buying the chocolate sauce. I mean its not like it tastes good to you," Bella managed to say without laughing. I could see she wanted to—badly—but she was showing amazing restraint.

"Oh I didn't buy it. Do you remember that day we played with the slip-and-slide?" I asked her. She nodded, rubbing her back unconsciously. In true Bella form she had managed to fall on the slip-and-slide and bruise her back quite badly.

"Well that night," I continued, "Jasper and I found a huge stash of chocolate syrup in the kitchen pantry. I figured Edward or you had bought it for some reason and we just thought, what the Hell, this might be fun."

"But it wasn't?"

"No, not at all."

She sat staring at me for a minute and then started laughing. I laughed with her, realizing how funny of a thing this was. Tears were leaking from her eyes she was laughing so hard.

After a while we both stopped laughing and a moment of so later the boys came outside.

"What's so funny girls?" Edward asked as Bella stood and went over to him. He hugged her around the waist and she looked at me. She didn't want to say anything out loud and embarrass Jasper any further.

"I don't think I will be having any sundaes for a while Alice," she said slyly and we both started laughing again. I looked over at Jasper and he looked totally clueless. Which was good because if he knew I was laughing at his expense he would not be happy. I hoped that after tonight I could stop laughing whenever I thought about Jasper like that.

As we walked back into the house I heard Bella ask Edward if had bought any chocolate syrup for her. He said he hadn't and she said she didn't either. When he asked why, she said she would tell him later.

"Oh Alice, you _told_ her?"

"Yes Jasper but I feel much better now. I think perhaps this whole is over so after Edward and Bella leave tonight…" I trailed off suggestively. All _sorts_ of naughty thoughts went through my head, none of them making me laugh. I was cured.

"We haven't left yet!" Edward yelled back to me. I grinned.

"Sorry."

We got back into the house, at which point Emmett and Rose were downstairs as well. I was curious now, so I just had to ask.

"Hey Emmett, did you or Rosalie buy chocolate syrup for…recreational purposes?" I asked as covertly as I could. Jasper still furrowed his brow.

Rosalie looked at me strangely.

"Why in God's name would we do that? What would be the point? Its gross!" she exclaimed. I was about to explain that it could be very entertaining and then I remembered that it was not the best time or place to be discussing such things.

"So if we didn't buy it, and Edward or Bella didn't, and _you_ guys didn't buy it then…" I trailed off and then suddenly Esme came out of the kitchen and looked at us all gathered together. My mouth fell open in agape. I looked over to Bella whose expression was just as shocked as mine.

"OH NO!!!" I shouted.

"Don't even think about it!" Bella cried. I was trying not to, but I couldn't stop the thoughts form entering in my head. A moment later Edward was mocking a wretch while attempting to rid his mind of the images I had just thought of via pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Alice that was something I NEVER needed to see," he murmured. Bella reached up and pulled his hand down from his face.

"You're going to permanently disfigure yourself if you don't stop it," she said.

All the while Esme was watching us, very confused. At the next moment, Carlisle came down the stairs from his office. He looked to each of us and then to Esme.

"What is going on?" he asked.

I just laughed.

AN don't ask me where that came from 


	4. Rocky Horror Picture Show

_Go with me here..._

Edward's POV

"Its for Bella, Edward," Alice said quietly. I knew that. I knew that she was just trying to make her feel better, but did it honestly have to stoop to this? I didn't think it was necessary but Alice disagreed.

"I know Alice, but…do I _have to_?" I hadn't intended to sound so whiney, but I was unable to keep it from coming out. "Don't you think she would be just as happy with my playing a song on the piano, or her favorite movie, or…or chicken soup?"

"I think we have tried all that already and she still doesn't feel better. So maybe some laughter will help. And she is _definitely_ going to laugh at this. Besides, we are all involved."

Bella was sick. She had been sick for almost a week now and didn't seem to be feeling much better. I would have been worried—seriously, obsessively worried—if I didn't have several medical degrees and father who had been a practicing physician for too many years to count. Carlisle said she was going to be okay; it was just a bug going around. Plenty of people had come into the hospital with the same thing and no one was dying. Of course I was still wary, but it was mildly reassuring.

And of course I had tried everything to make her feel better. I had made the aforementioned chicken soup, played music, rented movies, read to her, sang to her, everything I could think of while she was home sick. She spent a whole week out of school, so I managed to also be "sick' that same week so I could spend the days with her. She slept a lot—something I encouraged—but she didn't seem to be feeling much better.

"Alice who are you again?"

"Columbia. And you are Rocky, Rose is Janet, Emmett is Brad, Jasper is Riff Raff, Esme is Magenta and Carlisle is Dr. Frank-N-Furter."

"I still don't understand how you managed to rope all of us into this, Carlisle and Esme especially," I mumbled. She grinned mischievously.

"I am incredibly persuasive, that's how. Remember what you did the greenhouse Esme was building? Remember how she thought it was Emmett? She still thinks it was Emmett, and I am sure you dont want anyone to convince her otherwise. Now come on."

Somehow, as if by a miracle, Alice had persuaded us all to be a part of a little production of Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was an abbreviated version obviously, but it was still the most humiliating thing I had ever done in my long, _long_ life. At least it was for Bella.

So we all came out fully in costume and makeup—thanks to Alice again—and I could see Bella's face light in a beautiful smile right away. I temporarily forgot what I was doing and wearing—which was not much but at least I wasn't being a cross dresser like Carlisle (the image of which was something I planned on storing in my mental memory bank for the rest of eternity)—and smiled back. She kept smiling and eventually started laughing. Really hilariously laughing at us.

"Alice you told me you were putting on a show, and this is not at all what I expected," she said, covering her mouth and staring at us all. We were mostly scantily clad, and if we weren't already, we would be later. I groaned to myself as she ushered us behind a makeshift stage curtain she had created. She was too creative for her own good.

The show started off as it was supposed to. I stayed behind the curtain as the rest of them did the "time warp". Hearing Carlisle not just say, but _sing_ that he was "just a sweet transvestite, from Transsexual Transylvania" made me roll on the floor with laughter. I could hear Bella doing the same. By the end of the production we had all lost most of our direction because we were laughing so hard.

Bella was laughing so hard she started to cough. Immediately I went to her side as she sounded like she was choking on air. I got her glass of water, which she drank gratefully.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She grinned as I took the empty glass from her.

"Yes…Rocky. Now go finish this up I want to see how it all ends."

"You've already seen this movie, you know what happens," I said.

"I know, but this is _so_ much better."

We did finish up the show at which point Bella made us do the Time Warp again, this time I had to do it as well. Alice of course loved the whole ting. She found it fun while I just found it horrifying. When all was said and done there was color Bella's cheeks again and she looked more alive than she had for almost a week.

"How do you feel Bella?" Alice asked her.

"Much better, thank you. I seriously can't believe that just happened. You guys were great," she said, clapping her hands a little to symbol applause.

"I would give you a standing ovation―"

"But I would make you sit right back down," I reminded her. She looked at me, mock anger in her eyes. But then she grinned.

"Will you go change Edward? No offense, but you look ridiculous."

"Oh none taken, I know I do. Blame Alice."

As I walked up the stairs to go put normal clothes on I heard Emmett and Rose talking.

"You know Rose, we might want to snag a couple of those costumes, you know for later…"

"You may have a point there," she whispered back. All of a sudden images of them, and those costumes, and compromising positions came in my mind in abundance.

"Oh God STOP!" I shouted. Rose just laughed as I ran by her. I changed and went to sit with Bella as quickly as I could. We were sitting together and I turned to her, my face twisted in a horrible expression.

"What?" she asked, worried something was wrong.

"Bella, I know that we don't…right now. But when we do, _promise_ me nothing weird, okay?"

"You mean none of this fun costume stuff?" she asked, her eyes bright. I looked away from her, trying to figure out how to handle this moment. She reached over and turned my face back to hers.

"Do I look like a costumes kind of person?" she asked, her tone very serious. I shook my head.

"And that is because I'm not Edward. Why don't we worry about getting there before you start to freak out about the details, huh?"

"Oh Bella if you knew what I just saw you would understand." I explained about the images and she contorted her face into one of pure disgust.

"Okay one, that's just gross and wrong. And two, Emmett and Rosalie feel like siblings to me too, so I would rather if you didn't share such disturbing mental pictures with me ever again."

"Now you know how I feel," I mumbled.

Alice and Jasper came from their room a moment later. Jasper was telling Alice that she owed him big, _huge_ in fact. She might never repay the debt that was now owed him.

"Jasper Hale if you don't be quiet I am going to tell everyone where I _got_ these costumes from, do you understand?" she warned. Her immediately shut his mouth.

"Where _did_ they come from Alice?" Bella asked, saving me the trouble. Alice only smiled.

"I just found them. You know, lying around. No big deal Bella, nothing to worry your sick little mid over. I'm glad you enjoyed the performance."

"I definitely did. That is something I don't think I will ever forget."

I sighed. Those were not words I wanted to hear. If only I could convince her that she was delirious…

"Alice!" Carlisle's voice rang loud form upstairs.

"Yes Carlisle?" she asked politely.

"I can't get this…this thing off!"

Alice giggled uncontrollably for a moment.

"He means the corset," she explained.

"MARY ALICE BRANDON CULLEN! HELP ME!" he shouted.

"Why cant Esme help you?" she asked, still trying to keep from laughing to loudly.

"Esme is having enough troubles as it is, now just COME HERE!"

Alice burst into laughter as she stood up. The suddenly we all heard something we weren't prepared for.

"DAMN IT! This won't come off!" Esme shouted.

"Did Esme just curse?" Jasper asked incredulously. I nodded.

"Alice," I said, turning to her, "you better get up there."

She was already gone.

_AN: So I realize that this may not make sense to you if you have never seen the movie this is based on—Rocky Horror Picture Show. Dont worry, another one is coming up soon, that will make more sense to those of you who were totally lost._


	5. Leather

_This is a long one, but Emmett should have learned his lesson…_

_PS I have to confess, I think this one is myfavorite...okay so its a tie between this and the slip-and-slide one_

Emmett's POV

This was war. I knew that it was really my fault—I _had_ struck first. But there was no way I was letting him get away with this. It was unacceptable.

At had all started when I had given Edward's car a paint job. It was washable paint, but he didn't know that. And then he had to go get Bella with his car all written on. Apparently she thought that having "105-year-old virgin" on the side of his car was hysterical. He didn't.

I should have known he was going to try and get back at me. I just never thought he would come up with something so fast.

He was always complaining about having to listen to the rest of us while we were…having private fun. It wasn't _our_ fault that he could hear our thoughts. He was capable of tuning out, but sometimes he just got one stray thought that hit him and he couldn't block it out. I did feel a little sorry for him. But then again, he had Bella! Why didn't he just get his intense sexual frustrations out with her? Regardless this move was low—very low.

Edward had left school early that day because he said he had some things he wanted to do. Fine. I didn't ask where he was going all the time or what he was doing. He was as adult as any of us were ever going to get, he could do whatever he wanted. But I should have known by the look in his eyes that he was up to something. I thought maybe he and Bella were skipping out early so the could—finally—do it. But no. Bella was in her last period class as always. She had driven to school that day apparently, so he had been planning this for quite some time.

When we got home his car was in the driveway. Esme was off with Carlisle on a Bring Your Spouse To Work Day. He had been alone in the house for almost an hour by the time we got there. I felt a flutter or distrust and suspicion grow as he came outside.

"Hey, I'm going over to Bella's for a while. See you later." He was whistling as he walked past us to his car. I watched him go, waiting for something to happen. When nothing did I just shrugged. The night had gone just fine. Rose and I had some…fun. We hadn't noticed anything was wrong until the morning.

All of our clothes were gone. The only things that were there were a few of the…costumes we sometimes dressed up in. Rose's naughty nurse outfit and black leather dominatrix things were left in her closet while the _only_ thing left in my dresser was a pair of ass-less chaps. I knew it. I _knew_ it.

"EDWARD!" Rose shrieked. She was downright furious. And for good reason—she hadn't played any part in the prank. "GIVE ME MY THINGS BACK EDWARD!"

He came over to our room and looked in to he door with a little grin on his face.

"Why Rosalie what ever are you talking about?" he asked, the very personification of innocence.

"YOU STOLE MY CLOTHES! I CANT WEAR THIS―" she held up the nurse's outfit, "TO SCHOOL!"

"I don't know why you think _I_ did it. Maybe it was Jasper."

I head Jasper yell protest from down the hall.

"Who else would know where any of these things were Edward?" I asked.

"They wouldn't be that hard to find. Its not like you go out of your way to hide them."

"I WANT MY CLOTHES EDWARD!" Rose shouted. She was wicked pissed off. I was just glad she was directing this at him and not me. But Edward just shrugged and walked away. She then turned to me, with a hateful anger in her eyes.

"Go do something to get my clothes back. I don't care if you have to grovel or beg, do something or you banned from our bedroom until I can go spend enough money to replace my entire wardrobe."

"That is a lot of money. And a lot of shopping trips."

"Yes, now GO! It's your fault he did this in the first place! How many times have I told you not to mess with his car?"

I hung my head. If I didn't find a way to make this better Rose was going to give me the boot from our bed for a long time. I found Edward in the living room having a chat with Alice.

"Edward this is not funny," I said angrily.

"To the contrary, its hilarious," he responded cheerily.

"Can I at least have Rose's things back?" I begged. He knew what she was going to do if she didn't have her clothes back soon. If she blew a gasket everyone would be feeling it, not just me.

"Fine, I hid them in the trunk of her car in the garage."

"And my things?" I asked hopefully. He grinned diabolically at me.

"Oh those are _long_ gone," he said. I clenched my fists angrily but got Rosalie's car keys and went out to get her things. It took me four trips to get everything inside but she was happy when everything was returned to her.

"Do I get to stay in the bedroom?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes Emmett, you did what I asked. But I don't know what we are going to do with you today. You obviously can't wear those…" she mumbled, pointing at the only article of clothing Edward had left behind for me. He was going to pay. Oh he was going to be sorry for what he did.

"Let me go explain this to Carlisle, maybe you should just stay home today," she said, pulling on her clothes. "You can put everything back in my closet for me!" she exclaimed happily. I sighed. This was going to be a long day, regardless of where I ended up.

Carlisle said I could stay home after Rose told him what was going on. He told me that I should be more careful next time I pranked Edward. Next time. Oh yeah, I could use this whole day to figure out some sort of revenge!

Everyone left for the day—Carlisle to work, Esme to home depot for paint samples (she was re-doing her bedroom), and then everyone else off to school where I should have gone as well.

"Remember, " Rosalie told me before they left, "I arrange everything by color so make sure the colors stay together."

"Of course Rosalie. Have a good day at school."

"I am going to go shopping with Alice after school to get you some new things. I'll be home this evening okay?"

I nodded, kissed her cheek and went into our bedroom. I put everything into her closet just the way she told me. It took forever because I had to put things on hangers and then figure out the whole colors thing. It wouldn't seem like a big deal—red goes with red, blue with blue and so on—but Rose was _obsessive_. Red went with red of course, but within the red you had to separate the different shades. If two of the scarlets were apart, separated by a candy apple there would be hell to pay. At least, that was what she had once told me.

After what seemed like an eternity of sorting and hanging I went into Edward's bedroom. Oh he was going to be sorry. I had thought about messing with the Vanquish but decided that was a very bad idea. He might just go through with murdering me if I did. He loved that car almost as much as he loved Bella. And then it hit me.

Bella would help me. Oh I was going to prank him so well he wouldn't even know what hit him! It was far too early to call Bella because she would not be home from school. And I had to do it at a time when I knew Edward wouldn't be around to hear me explaining my plot. But tomorrow was Saturday and he was going hunting with Alice and Jasper. Wonderful she would be all alone at her house. I was going to stop over for a while and explain the situation. I only hoped that she would be willing to help me out. Of course she would, she was cool.

I spent my afternoon taking every single CD from the case in belonged in and moving it to another one and then replacing the case in the exact same spot it had been in. It was better than simply moving the cases around because he wouldn't even know something was wrong until he went to listen to some music. And that was only the beginning.

When he got home he still seemed very pleased with himself. He was only back for a moment before going off to Bella's. He was going to be gone for a good day and a half and he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. That was just fine; it gave me more time to plot without his being around to hear my thoughts.

Rose returned from the mall with Alice and Jasper around ten with twelve bags of new clothes, not surprisingly, half of them were for her. I had learned my lesson earlier and helped her to carry the bags to our room. She gave me a whole new wardrobe, which I was insanely thankful for. She appraised the work I had done in her closet and after moving only two shirts to a different position she thanked me.

"What else did you do today?" she asked as we sat together in our room.

"Nothing. Messed with Edward's CDs just to tick him off."

"Oh Emmett. When are you two going to give this up? Cant you just call it even and leave it alone?" she asked. She didn't want to get caught in the crossfire again.

"Just this last one babe. After this I am hanging up my spurs."

"Is that right cowboy?" she asked, a wicked smile on her face. As she was about to kiss me I nodded.

"Yes ma'am."

The next day after Alice, Jasper and Edward were all gone to hunt I went over to Bella's. Rosalie wasn't all that happy about it, but she was able to handle Bella a little better now. She still didn't exactly like her, but she didn't want to end her vegetarian streak every time she saw her anymore either.

When I knocked on her door she answered and looked thoroughly surprised to see me. She said I should come on in. Apparently Charlie was out fishing with some friends. We chatted idly for a wile. Bella really was like my little sister now and I liked that a lot. Which was why I was hoping she would play along with my next prank and not be appalled that I would stoop so low.

"So Bella, you know about the whole spray painting Edward's car thing right?" I asked. I hoped she still remembered that.

"Of course. I felt bad because I laughed when I saw what you wrote on it, but it was actually pretty funny," she said, giggling quietly. Good, this was going to be easier than I thought. I told her what Edward had done in retaliation, leaving out exactly what it was he left for me to wear. She laughed like it was one of the funniest things she had ever heard and then quieted herself down.

"So you see why I have to get back at him," I said. She shook her head sadly.

"You boys are so immature. Can't you just say enough is enough and let it go?"

"Never. I honestly thought Rose was going to rip me anew one this morning. Seriously though, will you help me?" I asked. I would beg if need be. I would get on my knees and plead with her until she _had_ to say yes.

"Fine. But you promise no one is getting hurt right?" she asked suspiciously.

"No, of course not. I'm not—_we're_ not—going to be doing anything dangerous."

I explained the plan to her and when I was done, she giggled. The plan itself wasn't all that funny, but Edward's reaction would be hilarious. It had to be times just right, which was why I was counting on Alice—who had been filled in about this whole deal earlier—to give me a call when they were coming home.

Alice was handy to have on your side. The only problem was, she always played both sides and if she was mad enough at you she would prank you herself and then you would be sorry. I was the king of pranks at my house, but Alice pulled a mean one herself every once in a while.

"This is going to be fun Emmett,' she said wickedly. I had never known Bella to be wicked in any sense of the word, but she was definitely looking it now. We talked over details. As I left I called back to her through the door.

"I'll be here to get you around nine, so be ready!"

"Yes dear!" she shouted back to me. I heard her laughing as I pulled out of her driveway.

I passed the day and the night with Rose. We didn't do much of anything mostly just watched some old movies and talked a bit. That was one of the things I loved most about her. She could do just about anything, even just sitting around, and make it wonderful. I just hoped she wouldn't be too mad at me when this whole prank went down.

"Now Rosalie, when Edward gets home, some things are going to happen. Don't worry about any of it because it's not true," I warned her, as I was about to eave to go get Bella. She eyes me suspiciously but nodded.

"Emmett if you get my things taken away again I swear―"

"Don't worry about it Rose. No one is taking your things. I promise. See you in a little bit."

I got Bella exactly when I said I would and she started laughing when she got in the car.

"I thought about this all night. It is going to be so hilarious," she squealed excitedly. Yes, yes it was. She sat around the house with s for a while before things started to happen. Esme was asking her opinion on the color she was going to paint her bedroom when Alice called. She said they were on their way home and they would be home in twenty minutes. That was perfect.

"Bella, the fun is about to begin!" I called to her. She came bounding down the stairs, smiling. Rose—who had sitting with me in the living room—watched shocked as I handed Bella one of her favorite outfits—the black leather dominatrix get up. She had proclaimed that she never wanted to wear it again (and then went out and bought all new things to replace it). So I had the idea to let Bella wear it, all for the sake of the prank of course.

Rose was muttering about how stupid I was being and then went out to take a walk.

"I don't want to be here when you die Emmett," she said as she walked out the door. I waited for Bella and when she came down the stairs I was torn between wanting to laugh and not being able to say anything at all.

First of all, I have no feelings for Bella at all. Rosalie is my wife and she is the only one I love. But that doesn't mean I was unaware that Bella was quite beautiful, even as a human. She looked a little ridiculous in Rose's getup, but she was also…hott. Leather was definitely not her thing, but I couldn't deny that she was attractive. That only made this whole joke even better. If _I_ thought she looked good I could only wonder what Edward was going to say when he got here.

I snatched some clothes off the counter and then we went out to the garage, leaving the door open just a bit. We sat around talking for a little bit until I heard the car in the driveway. They were home. Showtime.

As soon as I the engine cut off I began with the carefully put together skit we had come up with. All the while I was just thinking how funny this was going to be in the end.

"Bella, you might want to put your clothes back on. Fast," I said loud enough for everyone to hear me. She had brought her things with her outside to add to the scene. I heard Edward growl outside and then he came into the garage. There I was, sitting around and Bella standing a few feet away in clothes she would never have worn on her own and would never wear again. She had made it look like she was trying to pull part of it off when he came in the room. His eyes almost popped out of his head. I couldn't tell if it was pleasant surprise or if he was angry yet.

"Bella…what…are…you…doing?" he managed to say through gritted teeth.

"Well Emmett was showing me all the new clothes he got and he was modeling them for me. And it looked like fun, so I wanted to dress up in stuff too…but I didn't have any clothes here. So Rosalie said I could look through her stuff and I saw this and it looked so…interesting. So I decided what the heck and tried it on. But I was too embarrassed to walk around your house like this so we went out here."

Her eyes were bright and happy, coaxing a smile onto his face.

"You promised no costumes," he murmured. She blushed furiously.

"No, I promised no costumes _if and when_ we ever get to a certain point in our relationship. Besides I wasn't doing this for you, I was just curious."

Edward looked at me; his eyes were light but mildly angry.

"Where was he while you changed?" he asked her.

"Inside. I called for him when I was all done."

I was doing my best to think along the same lines as she was and not slip up what was yet to happen in my plan. I nodded to him when he looked at me again and then he turned to Bella and smiled.

"I'll leave you two alone," I said as I brushed by him, trying not to laugh. He was looking at me while I left and did not see Bella wink at me behind him. But I didn't go far. In fact I simply jumped nimbly to the roof and watched the goings on from the sky light. I had to make sure I timed everything just right. If not, …never mind. I just watched as the scene unfolded below.

Bella grinned as Edward stepped toward her.

"I look ridiculous don't I?" she asked, playing her bashful Bella self. She didn't look ridiculous, but she probably _felt_ ridiculous. Edward shook his head.

"Actually you look the opposite of ridiculous. Though I think I would prefer it if you got out of those clothes," he stated.

"Why Edward, what are saying?"

"No Bella...its just that uh…"

"Be quiet Edward," she said sternly and then reached up on tiptoe to kiss him. He kissed her a little bit and then drew away.

"Bella…"

She pushed him sharply. He was so shocked he fell back, landing hard on the workbench. She climbed into his lap and kissed him again. This time he gave in. Before he knew what was going on she yanked his shirt over his head. He looked at her, blinking in surprise. She grinned wickedly—she was enjoying this I could tell—and leaned into him again.

I didn't want to watch my siblings making out. But if I didn't know what was going on then I wouldn't be able to do my part when the time came. Suddenly there was a groan and Edward pulled himself away from Bella and got up—just like she said he would.

"Isabella Marie, what do you think you are doing?" he asked her, incredulous.

"Just having some fun Edward Anthony. Do our boundaries now prohibit that as well?"

He glared at her and looked around for his shirt. She snatched it from the ground a moment before he noticed where it was and shook her head.

"You're not getting this back."

"Bella please, what is going on? Where is all of this coming from?"

"You've been gone and I have been lonely. Please Edward, just indulge me this once," she pleaded. How could he refuse that?

"Fine, what is it that you want?"

The grin returned to her face.

"Just trust me okay?"

He nodded and she went over to him again. She kissed again and this time when he drew her close and kissed her neck she looked up through the sky light. She almost started to laugh as she saw me peering through and then executed the last part of the plan.

I went into the house and found Carlisle in his office.

"Oh Carlisle, Edward said he needs you for something in the garage," I said innocently. He got up and walked outside, I followed silently in tow. A second before he opened the door all the way Edward shouted.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he yelled in surprise. His pants were around his ankles and she was staring at him, her hand over her mouth. This was so much better than I had imagined.

He had gone commando.

Edward then looked over to Carlisle in the doorway. He yanked up his pants as fast as he could and then ran behind his car. But the damage had been done. There was Bella donning all leather and Edward naked. In the garage.

"I AM NEVER GOING IN THAT GARAGE AGAIN!" Carlisle shouted on his way inside. I was laughing hysterically, rolling around on the ground outside. I could hear Bella laughing herself, gasping breaths.

"ISABELA MARIE SWAN WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" Edward demanded. I was finally standing and went into the garage as he snatched his shirt away from her hands. She was still laughing but he looked seriously pissed off.

"Emmett asked me to help him. I thought it would be funny, and you know I got to have some fun I the process," she confessed. Edward turned to me and glared.

"EMMETT I AM GOING TO―"

"Oh Edward calm down. If you had been wearing boxers it wouldn't have been as big a deal," Bella said.

"You are never talking to Emmett again. Or wearing leather. Or going in this garage."

He grabbed Bella and her clothes and pulled them both out of the garage right past me. I jus laughed some more. He might kill me later but it was so worth it.

Bella later confessed that was the first time she ever saw him naked. That only made me burst into new laughter. That was until he videotaped me dancing to a new awesome pop tune…naked. And then showed it to everyone with a handy little black censor bar from Photoshop. Oh it was on.

It was _so_ on.


	6. Size Matters

Carlisle's POV

I was tending a patient with a sprained knee when Alice bounded up to me, her face very serious. I was sure she was going to tell me that one of the boys had burned the house down, or wrecked their car, or that Edward had finally decided to change Bella, or that he had finally killed Emmett for the pranks they had been pulling on each other. I shuddered, thinking of the last one I had walked in on. As far as Emmett explained he hadn't known that Edward would be completely naked, just that he was going to be in a compromising position. That didn't erase the memory from my mind. I shuddered again and turned to Alice, politely excusing myself from my patient.

"Yes Alice, is something wrong?" I asked. She shook her head and smiled a little. It was a mischievous I didn't like one little bit. She was smiling but I could see her fists were clenched. She was trying so hard to ignore the smell of blood, but it wasn't easy in the ER. Blood was everywhere.

"No not at all, we just need your expert opinion on something, you know, as a doctor," she said, her jaw set.

"Is it Bella?" I asked with worry in my voice.

"Oh no, no, nothing like that. I mean she's here, but it isn't about her. Just come to your office when you get a spare minute."

She walked away after that. When I had a spare minute. Did she know how incredibly rare those were here? I was surprised she was even able to manage to come down here. I made a mental note to go to my office when I got the chance. I finished with my patient, wrote a prescription for some painkillers and the headed in the direction of my office for what I hoped was a short visit with my children. Not to say that I didn't love each and every one of them, Bella included, I just wasn't keen on the idea of them all in the hospital.

"Dr. Cullen wait!"

I looked over my shoulder and watched as the Chief of Medicine caught up with me.

"Dr. Andrews, to what do I owe the surprise visit?" I asked, pausing in the hall. I was hoping with all my might he did not want to go into my office with me. If this was going to be a long chat I was just going to have to tell him he would need to wait.

"Well I just wanted to go over next year's budget for the ER with you if that is alright. I was thinking we could get some lunch and talk it over at that new Italian restaurant down the street during your lunch hour. Does that sound acceptable?"

"Of course, just let me go get my things from my office and I will meet you out front in a few minutes," I said, trying to extricate myself from the situation. I was dreading having to talk over the budget and having to pretend to enjoy human food, but I would suffer through it if need be.

"I'll walk with you," Dr. Andrews suggested. He made a move to walk to my office with me. I gently pulled him back by the arm. I needed to think of some reason for him not to follow me there. God only knew what my children needed. I couldn't very well have him there.

"Actually I was hoping to make a quick phone call to my wife before we head out," I lied.

"Oh of course, Carlisle, take your time. I will be out in the foyer when you are ready to go."

"Thank you, I wont be long."

With that Dr. Andrews and I went our separate ways, and I hurriedly rushed to my office. Before I could even open the door I paused to listen to the conversation that was taking place inside.

"No way, I'm bigger," Edward claimed from behind the door.

"I don't think so Edward," Jasper snapped back. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I could only hope it was not what I thought.

"I am going to have to side with Edward on this one Jasper," Bella said. Her voice was apologetic. She was in on this? Alice _did_ say she was here. But I had no idea they would have her there for something so…inappropriate. I was going to have a serious conversation with Edward about his conduct with Bella. This was hardly suitable.

"Well of course _you_ would side with him Bella! Alice?" Jasper's voice was hopeful. There was a long pause here.

"Jasper, I'm sorry sweetie, but I think Edward is right this time…"

"Not you too!" he cried.

"It doesn't make me think any less of you! It doesn't matter to me!" she said, quickly trying to repair the situation. A nurse walked past me, giving me a strange look as she did so. I must have looked odd, standing outside my office not doing anything. But I simply couldn't bring myself to open the door and see what was behind it. I had gotten _far_ too many looks at my children in revealing positions over the last few weeks, I didn't need any more to add to the already disturbing images.

"Sure that is what all you women say when really you are laughing at us behind our backs," he mumbled, clearly ashamed.

"Well we know I'm biggest out of all three of us," I head Emmett's voice announce. He was there too?

"We know Emmett, but this is between Edward and Jasper here. You still get to be number one in this particular category," Rose said quietly. Was my whole family behind that door?

"Well I think Edward is cheating to make his look bigger," Jasper asserted.

"How could he do that Jasper? This isn't the sort of thing you can just change," Alice said, trying to be soothing.

"Besides if anyone would be cheating its you, because we all agree that I'm bigger than you. Just get over it," Edward said, victory in his voice.

"Edward you―"

"Boys please, can we just wait for Carlisle to get here and settle this then?" Esme asked. Esme was in on this? _ESME?_ That was it. I had to find out what as going on. I opened the door, making my presence known.

"Oh Carlisle there you are! The boys have a question for you," Esme explained. My children were all standing around, looking at me expectantly.

"Yes so I heard. Boys I have to tell you that I am a little dissa―"

"Carlisle, who has bigger biceps, me or Edward? We figured you would have something to measure with so we came here to ask you," Jasper said.

I stood, completely shocked. _That was what they wanted to know?_

"Yes, what did you think we were talking about Carlisle?" Edward asked, a perplexed look on his face. Without being able to stop myself I thought of my horror at hearing their voices and jumping to that conclusion. Edward looked at me, and then burst out in hysterical laughter. Everyone asked him what was so funny but he was so busy laughing that he couldn't answer them for a full five minutes.

"He thought we wanted to know…which one of us…was biggest…like…_biggest,_" he was still laughing as he said this. It took a moment for the realization t dawn on everyone else and then they joined in the laughter. I suppose it was a little funny, when you thought about it.

When it was all settled it turned out that Edward was right and everyone went away happy, except for Jasper. But at least they went home. As they all fled my office talking like they always did Esme stayed behind a little.

"Carlisle," she said quietly, making sure none of the kids were lagging behind.

"Yes Esme?"

"They know," she stated quietly.

"Know about what?" I asked. What was she talking about? She looked around us again, and then leaned closer and whispered.

"Its all gone."

She could only mean one thing. The chocolate syrup was gone. Which means that someone had taken it. And maybe used it. Oh no, that was just too much to think about.

"And they know it was us?" I asked.

"They know that none of them bought it. So yes."

"Oh, well, that should prove…interesting."

"I promise not to bring it up if you don't," she said.

"Deal. Oh and Esme?"

She raised her eyebrows.

"At least they didn't find the whipped cream," I whispered.

"Tell me about it."

I walked out with her as we caught up with the children I told them to hurry along.

"I just dont particularly enjoy the idea of all of you in the hospital," I said. Bella looked at me.

"Because of all the blood?" she asked.

I thought of all the death, destruction, mayhem and general chaos they could create here, none of it having to do with blood.

"Yes Bella, something like that," I said smiling as I kissed my wife goodbye and gave my children a wave. Something like that.

_So short one, but Carlisle is difficult!_


	7. Gifts

Bella's POV

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

This couldn't be happening. I wouldn't let it. But he was going to go through with it. And there was proof, sitting on the table for all to see. And when I say all I really mean Edward and I.

"You can't be serious," I said flatly. Edward wasn't even here yet. Already Charlie was plotting his speech. I was grimacing on the inside; trying not to show the nausea I was feeling. I couldn't stop staring. I couldn't believe he had seriously bought that. And intended on giving it to Edward. Oh this was going to be horrible.

"I am serious Bella. We need to have a sit down, all three of us."

"You really don't need to―"

"Yes I do need to. I am your father. Now I hear his car in the driveway. You might as well take a minute to tell him what is going on. I expect you both in this kitchen in five minutes, do you understand?"

I nodded weakly and got up from the table. I went outside, firmly closing the front door behind me. I stood on the porch, resting on the railing. I was feeling quite faint.

"Bella, are you alright? You look ill." Edward's cold, stone arms were around me almost as soon as I was outside. I embraced him as well, returning the hug.

"I am okay. Well for the moment I am okay. But um…you should know that Charlie has this whole thing we wants to talk about…"

"Bella if its about your well being believe me I deserve this talk. I…"

I shook my head. That was not what this talk was about. Edward cocked his head and then flinched. He had heard Charlie thinking. I winced as well, knowing that in a moment or two we were going to have to return to the kitchen and sit through possibly the most embarrassing conversation of my life. I thought it was customary to have this little chat with your child alone. But Charlie thought that it would be far more effective to do it with Edward also. I sighed.

"We should go in and just get this over with," I said, steeling my resolve. Edward nodded and planted a single gossamer kiss on my cheek before opening the door for me to go inside. We went into the kitchen and sat at the table in silence. Charlie was there already, not having moved from his seat. I was relieved to see he had taken it off the table for the now. Now I would only be embarrassed by his words and not by his purchases, for the moment at least.

"Edward," Charlie said slowly, "I know Bella has already told you what this is all about. And as her father I feel as though I am completely justified in having this conversation."

Edward nodded, keeping his mouth closed. Charlie took a deep breath. I breathed out a sigh. This was not going to be fun.

"You two have been together for quite some time now. Obviously you will be having feelings for each other. They are completely normal for children your age. I think I should tell you―"

Edward held up his hands to stop the flow of incredibly awkward words coming from Charlie's mouth.

"Chief Swan, let me assure you, my father has already given me this speech. And while I respect your wishes to have this conversation, I think it is a little uncomfortable for Bella."

I looked between the two of them. Charlie sighed.

"That may very well be, but she needs to be a part of this anyway. I know this isn't the most comfortable conversation to be a part of. But it needs to be had. There are some things you need to be aware of Edward."

I looked at Edward quizzically. What could Charlie tell him that he did not already know? Having several medical degrees under his belt he had more knowledge about the human body and the technical aspect of sex than Charlie did. So he was a little lacking on the whole execution part of it…so was I. Not that it mattered at this point. There was no way he would ever allow us to become that close while I was human.

"Such as?" Edward asked, trying to keep his voice polite. I heard the strain in it. Charlie must have been thinking some very unsavory things.

"Such as I never wish to know the extent of yours and Bella's…physical relationship. I don't want you having sex, but I also know that if you want to, you will do it no matter what I say."

No matter what he said, sure. But no matter what Edward said? Absolutely not. I felt my face blush a deep red at this. Edward smiled slightly at me and then turned back toward Charlie, his face solemn.

"Also, if you are going to be having sex, you are going to need to be safe."

"Charlie we aren't having sex so you really don't need to―" I began to shout. But I was too late. Charlie pulled out the box of condoms he had bought and put them on the table. He slid them over to Edward. The look of shock on his face was unmistakable. I don't know how he didn't see this coming, but he missed it somehow. If he could have blushed, he would have.

"This really…isn't necessary," Edward managed to mumble. For once in his life he was tripping over his words as his eyes remained glued on the box of condoms. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"And why is it unnecessary?" Charlie growled. I knew he didn't believe me when I told him we weren't having sex. And now he probably thought Edward meant we already had condoms.

"Oh no, Chief Swan, I didn't mean for you to get the wrong impression. I didn't mean to imply that we didn't need…those because we already had them. I mean that Bella and I aren't…engaging in sexual activity until…well we both want to wait," he equivocated. He had almost said _until we are married_. That would have caused a whole new series of questions and problems. I hadn't mentioned Edward's marriage proposal to Charlie for obvious reasons, the first being that I hadn't accepted. The second being that Charlie would have a coronary.

I felt Edward's eyes on my face. He was waiting for me to look up at him. I just couldn't. I was far too embarrassed.

"Either way I want you to take those. In case you change your minds. Not that I want to know. Oh and Edward?" Charlie said very quietly.

"Yes?" Edward responded.

"If you ever hurt my daughter, I will make the rest of your life hell, do you understand me?"

I cringed, feeling both embarrassed and angry at the same time. Edward knew how protective my father was of me. It was more or less as protective as Edward himself was, just in a different way. But he nodded politely nonetheless.

"Good. I am going to watch a baseball game. Out by nine-thirty," he reminded us. Then he got up and went into the living room. He was gone for a full minute before I was able to look at Edward. He was staring at me.

"That was the most horrible thing I have ever had to do in my life," I whispered low enough that Charlie wouldn't hear me. Edward grinned widely.

"Now, now, Bella, he was only doing what he thought he should. As a parent he felt he needed to talk to us. You can't blame him for being protective."

"Maybe not. But I can blame him for going out of his way to make this as uncomfortable as possible. I mean honestly did he have to go out and buy…those," I whispered fervently, motioning to the condoms sitting in front of Edward. He simply smiled again. He found this rather amusing now that he was no longer under the scrutinizing eye of Charlie.

"Edward Cullen this is not funny!" I said louder. I glanced over at Charlie who was thoroughly wrapped up in his baseball game. He hadn't even noticed that I had spoke.

"To the contrary Bella, it is quite funny. Now would you please come sit with me? I would not like to waste the little time I have with you arguing." His eyes begged me to give in. And of course I did. Not that I wouldn't be seeing him later after Charlie was asleep. That didn't seem to make him any les greedy about spending the time we were technically allowed to have together keeping me in close proximity.

So he and I sat and talked for the few hours he was allowed at my house until Charlie shouted a time check. It was nine fifteen. He was going to have to leave in fifteen minutes. We went outside so I could say goodbye to him properly without Charlie's interruption.

"Charlie is tired. He is going to bed early tonight so I will be over as soon as I can. A half and hour, maybe less."

"Hopefully less," I said, leaning my head against his chest. He stroked my hair. I leaned up to kiss him, pressing my lips very softly against his. He returned the kiss, never even coming close to the lines he had clearly drawn.

Then the door opened. And Charlie stood there coughing uncomfortably.

"He was just leaving," I said as he stared at us.

"Oh well I didn't want him to leave without these," Charlie said, holding out the box of condoms to Edward. I could see the hesitation in his movements as he reached out to take them from Charlie. I was hardly able to suppress my laughter. His perfect manners required him to thank Charlie for this unorthodox and unwelcome "gift" even as his hand was shaking.

Then Edward kissed me once more on the cheek and went to his car. I watched him go.

Charlie watched me with sober satisfaction.

"Well Bells, the game just ended so figure I will head off to bed. I am just exhausted," Charlie said as we made our way inside. I nodded and kissed his cheek as we went our separate ways in the hall. I went into the bathroom to take a shower and clean myself up before bed. As I showered I found myself thankful that Charlie didn't think it was necessary to explain the mechanics of sex to Edward and I. If he had started telling us about it I honestly would have died right then and there. But then Edward would have to change me. Perhaps that plan had some merit after all…

I toweled dry and changed into my pajamas. I was actually a little tired, even though it wasn't even ten o'clock yet. I figured Edward would be in my room by now.

I was right. He was sitting on my bed, looking disheveled and angry. His face changed completely when he caught my eyes. He smiled enormously and held out his arms for me. I went to him, settling in the embrace.

"Bella?" he said quietly.

"Yes Edward," I murmured in response.

"Why is it do you think Charlie picked today to have this little talk with us?"

"I have no idea. Perhaps he just thought it was time. Not that it couldn't have waited, for you know, when there is actually a _need_ for a talk like that. But I guess I am glad to say its over."

"Mm I agree. But what do you mean, when there is actually a need for a talk like that?" he asked. His voice was curious. I pulled myself up off his chest, propping myself up on an elbow. I stared into his eyes—the color that gold would be if it were possible to have golden eyes.

"Its not like we are doing anything bad Edward. I can't even tell you how good we have been. Charlie has no reason to be so worried," I explained, keeping my voice down. Edward raised an eyebrow, and then quickly shifted his position so he was on top of me. I gasped. He was not normally so…forward.

"So are you telling me that you don't want me Bella?" he asked, his lips an inch from mine. I shook my head. I couldn't speak at that moment. His breath wafted over my face, making me dizzy with its intoxicating scent.

"That's what I thought," he murmured. "You see he did have reason for a talk like that. Just because we are "being good" as you put it doesn't mean anything. It's the _want_ he's afraid of, and we both have plenty of that."

He leaned down and kissed me, leaving most of the chasteness and propriety behind. I reached around him, holding him to me. It was only when I was trying to pull him closer with my hand around his back that I stopped. My hand touched something slimy. And cold. And rubbery. I withdrew my hand and looked at it with a puzzled expression. He sat up as I did and reached around his back. He pulled a condom off his shirt. As soon as he realized what it was he threw it on the floor, clearly disgusted.

"What?" I asked. It was the only word I could think of. I needed to know what a condom was doing stuck to his shirt, but I couldn't get the whole question out.

"Emmett," he spat. I looked at him still, questions in my eyes. He sighed.

"Emmett saw the box of condoms your father bought in my car. He was asking what they were from and why I had them and eventually, just took to launching them at me. He was trying to get me back for shooting that "Glamorous" video of him. I thought I got them all off. Apparently I was wrong."

"That was unnecessarily gross," I said, looking at it sitting on my floor. Edward nodded beside me. This unexpected moment had completely ruined the mood. We had both had enough of condoms for quite some time. We sat in silence for a long while before I yawned and Edward made me go to sleep. He told me he was getting a great idea for getting Emmett back. He would tell me in the morning.

I woke up around seven and Edward left me quickly. He had been plotting his revenge all night and said he needed to get some things ready for our great scheme. He kissed me goodbye and then jumped out the window. I remained in bed. Eventually I fell back to sleep. Almost an hour later I was awakened again, only this time it was not so pleasant.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN WHAT IS THIS?" my father demanded from my doorway. I shot up in bed and looked questioningly about my room. What was he talking about? Edward wasn't still here; he always left before Charlie got up. The only thing he could possibly be freaking out about was…but surely Edward hadn't _left_ it there.

But as I followed my father's gaze to my floor I saw it—what looked like a used condom on my floor. I looked up at Charlie and blushed the deepest scarlet possible.

"I can explain that," I stammered. I thought that somewhere outside I heard a chuckle of laughter. My expression hardened. I was going to _kill_ him, even if it was more or less physically impossible.

_AN: So I am thoroughly enjoying this whole Edward/Emmett revenge business. I hope you are too, let me know if it gets old...because its not like I don't have a hundred other stories to put in here. Just wait for his payback, its hilarious. And Bella's..._


	8. Distractions

_AN: So I have been trying to get to everyone's POV for these little stories. However, this next one needed to be in either Edward or Bella's POV, and since I just did Bella, Edward it is. If you remember, in the last one, Bella was left to explain a "used" condom to Charlie and Edward is plotting his revenge on Emmett…again. Read on. And p.s. thank you to all my reviewers, I am feeling the love :)_

Edward's POV

"I can explain that." Bella was looking horrified at the condom on the floor. I had thought right before leaving that I should get it, but then an idea came into my head. This was my revenge on _her_ for participating in Emmett's little prank. It was just far too amusing to pass up. I hopped up into the tree near her window and watched her fall back to sleep. Charlie came to check in on her before going to work. I swore even as a police chief he worked far more often than normal. It was Saturday, a normal day off, and he was going in at eight.

When he saw the condom on the floor his face turned a dangerous shade of purple.

_After all the trouble they went through telling me they WERENT having sex, and now I find this! On the floor! They didn't even bother to get rid of it…she is NEVER seeing that boy again!_

"I'm waiting," Charlie growled angrily. I couldn't help it, I laughed a little. Bella's face changed suddenly. Even though she didn't look around for me, I had laughed too loud. She knew I was here. And she knew I was watching. Oh there was going to be hell to pay later.

"Um," she mumbled. She was trying to think of a lie that would work. She didn't want Charlie angry and she certainly didn't want him forbidding us to see each other any more than he already did. He was furious. I hadn't thought about Charlie finding it. I thought perhaps Bella would come across it when she woke up. She would find it strange and embarrassing and she might be a little angry with me but it wouldn't be a big deal. Things were not going as I had planned.

"In school, we just did a whole unit on Sex Ed. And they gave us condoms, you know, just in case. And after last night…you know that whole conversation…I just wanted to see…what they looked like. I thought I put it in the trash. I guess I missed. I was tired."

Her voice was hopeful. She was lying her butt off. Charlie watched her for a long moment and then sighed.

"Are you sure that is all?" he asked. The suspicion was not gone from his voice or expression. Bella nodded enthusiastically. She smiled sweetly, trying to work her daughterly charms on him.

"Of course I am sure. Now you better get to work—everyone will be wondering where the fearless leader is," she teased. Charlie's face wavered and then broke into a little smile.

"Bella I just want you to be safe," Charlie said as she led him out the door. They walked downstairs. I could hear their conversation even as they disappeared from sight.

"I know. And I am, I promise," she said in response. I was sure she was blushing.

"And Edward? Is he safe? With you I mean."

"Always, believe me." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"And he doesn't ever…make you do things you don't want to do?"

"Of course not! Edward would never do that!" I felt a pang of anger. How could Charlie think so little of me? Did he not understand how much I loved Bella? Clearly not.

"Okay Bella, I believe you. Oh and Bella? I would appreciate if next time you were…uh…experimenting with things, you would…clean up after yourself."

There was utter silence after that. I could almost see the look of disbelief that was sure to be on her face. Charlie wasn't angry anymore, just worried. I heard the front door open and close in his departure and then the cruiser pulled away from the house. As soon as he was far enough away I started laughing hysterically. After a moment I lost my balance and fell out of the tree I was sitting in. I hit the ground with a loud thud, still unable to stop laughing.

It was only after I was able to control my fit of laughter that I noticed Bella standing in front of me, her hands on her hips. She was furious, I didn't need to read her thoughts to know that.

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASON CULLEN!" she shouted. I sprang to my feet, gauging her facial expression. This was going to take some finesse. I wanted her to calm down, and not be so angry with me. I also wanted her to help me get Emmett back.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble we almost got in? I thought he was going to have a heart attack! After we told him we weren't…_you_ _left it on the floor for him to find?_"

"No Bella, I didn't mean for Charlie to see…I thought you would find it…and at the time it seemed…funny," I managed to say. I was still laughing a little. This did not help my case. She was still mad.

"Well he did and you are _so_ lucky that he believed that horrible lie I told him! What if he hadn't?" she demanded. I walked to her, keeping about a foot between us. She crossed her arms across her chest. I sighed.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you in trouble. Forgive me?"

I was using what Bella had named the "apology voice". I knew that I could dazzle her if I so chose and on certain occasions, it was necessary. This was one of them.

"Edward how could you think it would be funny?" she asked. The anger was dissipating from her voice. Now she just sounded confused and upset. I was getting to her.

"Well that is what you get for getting me naked in front of Carlisle. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was?"

I could see her face become introspective. She was thinking about that day again. It was horrible. I couldn't believe I had let her trick me like that. She blushed crimson and I knew what she was thinking about.

"It was funny and you know it," she stated. "This wasn't. Carlisle wouldn't do anything seeing that, other than being scarred for the rest of his very long life. Charlie could keep us apart…well of course except for when you come over at night. I don't want that."

I stepped closer to her again, making the gap between us smaller. She inhaled sharply, refusing to look into my eyes. She knew a few tricks herself about how to keep from being dazzled. I lifted her chin and looked straight into her eyes. They became wide.

"Forgive me?" I asked again, almost whispering. She blinked rapidly as I leaned down and touched my lips briefly to hers. She sighed.

"Damn apology voice," she murmured. I grinned.

"Now about this revenge. Emmett is going to get it. Just wait and see what I have planned," I said. This was going to be great.

As we walked back into her house I explained the whole brilliant plot. I would teach Emmett to start a war with me. He would know better after this. Bella got dressed in the bathroom while I waited in her bedroom. I waited patiently as she went through her morning routine. When she came back to me she smiled and sat in my lap.

"So when is this master plan going to happen?" she asked me.

"In a while when I bring you over to my house. Now remember I need you to get Emmett away from the house for a while, two hours max. Are you sure you can amuse him for that long?" I asked back. Emmett had a notoriously short attention span. If she managed to keep him entertained for two whole hours without giving anything away I would be very impressed.

"Sure, Emmett loves hanging out with me. Plus, you know, being the distraction is fun."

I grinned at her. Didn't I know it? She was quite a distraction—from the surety of my own eternal damnation, my life, my family, everything. She was very good at playing that part. Perhaps she wouldn't have such a hard time after all.

"Ready to go?" I asked. She stared at me, holding my eyes with hers. She was thinking, or trying to. Eventually she nodded.

"We have to run right?"

"Yes. I thought you said you don't mind anymore?" I questioned as I pulled her up around my back. She held on tight and sighed.

"No I don't mind."

We got to my house after a few minutes and I set her down. She steadied herself and they clasped my hand as we walked in.

"Remember Bella, a few hours is all I will need," I reminded her. She nodded.

"Oh Emmett!" Bella called at the base of the stairs. An instant later he was there. She smiled up at him prettily. She was calling on all of her charm today, first with her father, now with Emmett.

"Yes Bella, how can I help you?" he asked descending the steps blindingly fast. He was leaning casually against the railing at the next moment and smiled at Bella in return.

"How you would you like to spend some time with me, oh one of my favorite brothers?" she asked. She made sure to say _one_ of her favorites just in case Jasper happened to hear her. She was always making sure not to offend people. I would never understand where her capacity for compassion and careful diplomacy came from.

"Of course I want to hang out with you. Its not going to be a weird third wheel thing is it?" he inquired. He wanted to see her obviously. However he figured that if he was going to have to spend the whole day with Bella and I he was going to bring Rose along. No use in being grossed out by siblings kissing each other if he could bring his own lover along.

"Oh no, it isn't. Edward has some things he has to do, but you know him, I can't be left alone for more than five minutes. So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out, you know spend some quality time together while he is busy. It shouldn't take that long right Edward?" she asked, looking at me. I shook my head convincingly.

"Sure Bella, what do you want to do?"

"Well first I was wondering if you could reinstall the stereo system you bought me for my birthday," she said very calmly. But I knew she was dreading having to explain why. I shot Emmett a look that very clearly said _don't ask _and he nodded.

"Of course I can Bella. When do you want to go?"

"Now would be good. Oh and can we run?" she asked. Emmett's eyes widened. He knew that Bella hated running. She had said so herself several times. He didn't know that due to her recent love of…extreme sports, she was no longer afraid. But he nodded anyway. She was doing well so far. She spun to face me and kissed me once. I smirked at her and she smiled in return. It was nice having her on my side for a change.

I watched as Emmett pulled her onto his back and began to run off into the forest. Now for the fun.

_**Approximately 1 hour, 59 minutes and 59 seconds later.**_

I called Bella's house phone and got no answer. I was ready for them to come back now. Everything was done. I called Emmett's cell phone and when he answered he sounded strange.

"Emmett, you can bring Bella home, I'm back now," I said.

"Okay Edward. We'll be over soon." I hung up the phone and waited. A few minutes later I saw them come walking down the driveway. Emmett was staring sheepishly at the ground and Bella looked…somewhere between embarrassed and infuriated.

"Never again Emmett. Never again."

"I'm sorry Bella," he mumbled. Seeing Emmett so humbled by tiny little Bella was amusing to say the least. I walked outside to greet them and to find out what it was Emmett had done. Bella looked exasperated by the time they got down to the house.

"Have a nice afternoon darling?" I asked, stretching my words out. Bella sighed and held up her hands, trying to calm herself.

"Oh yes, it was wonderful. I had a _great_ time." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

I was beginning to wonder if something bad had actually happened. I raised an eyebrow. Bella continued.

"Well after putting my stereo back in my truck, I said hey, lets go into town. Main Street should have something to do, even if it's just goofing around in the grocery store. Well remind me never to take Emmett into the shopping plaza again! We were just walking along, looking into the stores. And low and behold Emmett sees something in the bookstore. He didn't tell me what it was and insisted on going inside. Do you know what he saw in the window?"

I shook my head.

"A karma Sutra book. Now normally I would have just indulged him and let him read it to himself for fun. But do you know what he did with it?"

Again I shook my head. She was getting riled up just thinking about this whole ordeal.

"He started reading it aloud. And commenting on it, like "Oh I've done that" or "Bella, this one is fun, you and Edward should try this". People were staring at us."

I dipped into Emmett's thought and saw images of incredibly strange positions racing through his mind. I glared at him. I didn't want to know which ones he had done, or which ones he had suggested to Bella. She glared over at Emmett as well and he actually flinched. It made me laugh.

"You think this is funny Edward? She can't stay mad at you for very long at least. When she is angry she is mean!" he whined. I had no idea Bella had the capability to be mean.

"Well maybe you shouldn't make her mad then," I suggested. I wondered what she had done to qualify as being mean to Emmett. I almost didn't want to know.

_Thanks for the wonderful advice Edward. I hadn't thought of that._ Even his thoughts were sarcastic.

A moment later Emmett went inside where he could find some pity in Rosalie. He slunk off, avoiding Bella's gaze as much as possible. The fact that he seemed so intimidated by her made me laugh to myself. It was only going to get better when he figured out what I had done. But I wouldn't bring it up now. No, I would wait for him to discover it on his own.

"So Bella, what exactly did you do to Emmett that he considered mean?" I asked as she walked over to me. Her anger was calming rapidly as she stared into my eyes. I liked having that effect of her.

"I told him if he didn't stop I was going to bleach all of Rosalie's things and tell her it was his fault. That or I was going to cut all of Alice's credit cards up and leave the pieces in his room for her to find. Either way he was going to get in major trouble. I could have just told you that he tried to kiss me and he would have gotten pummeled, but I figured he was already getting a big enough shock from you he didn't need a death sentence as well." She smiled up at me. Her smile faltered as I continued to stare at her, very surprised.

"Bella Swan those are posatively the most evil things I have ever heard from your mouth," I said. I was shocked that she even thought things like that, not to mention that she actually managed to threaten Emmett with them. She pouted.

"Too much?" she asked, making an unsure face. I shook my head.

"Absolutely not. I am just glad that you really _can't_ stay mad at me for long. I am not sure what would happen to me if you told Alice I had cut up her credit cards…" I shuddered at the thought. I didn't want to know.

"He didn't really try to kiss you did he?" I asked, suddenly very worried.

"No of course not. He knows better. He doesn't _actually_ want to die, no matter what he does to your car, or who sees you naked." She winked at me. I was taken aback, in a good way. I laughed and pulled her into a hug. She was ridiculous.

_I am going to go buy that book…Rose might enjoy that one position…what was it called? I don't remember but it sure looked fun…_

Emmett's thoughts were rushing past me. I had opened myself up to them in order to predict when he was going to go find out what I had done. I laughed to myself as I heard him getting closer, his mind intent on buying the book he had seen in town. He was headed for the garage. He flinched when Bella sent an evil stare his way but then she smiled and laughed. All was forgiven. By her at least. Emmett was about to be very, _very_ mad. It was going to be hilarious.

"Did you finish everything?" she asked me as quietly as she could. Emmett was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice she had spoken. I nodded, avoiding any words. He walked into the garage and then I heard a loud shriek, almost like a little girl screaming at the sight of a spider. That was satisfaction enough.

Emmet came racing out of the garage, holding something to his chest tightly. He looked utterly distraught. If he had been able to, I would have been sure he was about to cry.

"What did you do Edward?" he asked. I looked at his hands and in them was the sliver hood ornament from his jeep. I chuckled.

"My jeep Edward, where is it?" he begged. I shrugged. I was trying to play the innocent card, but I was enjoying myself far too much to be believable.

"Don't worry Emmett, I didn't do anything that can't be remedied," I said calmly. His face shifted from sadness and disbelief to anger. The only reason he didn't pounce on me was because Bella was resting safely in my arms. She worked as a distraction and as a deterrent from attack. I was going to have to remember that in the future.

"Where is it?" he demanded again. Bella chuckled a little and I could feel her vibrate against my body.

"Its…around," I equivocated.

"EDWARD!" he yelled. The look in his eyes was seriously frightening. The only thing he loved more than that jeep was Rosalie.

"It's just disassembled. I took it apart while you were reading about interesting sexual positions with Bella," I said. I thought back and didn't like the way that sentence had come out. "The pieces are around. If you find them all and can put them back together it will run just fine." It had taken me an hour to get every piece apart and another hour to hide each one. The hardest things to hide were the interior parts I had to hide them where they wouldn't get ruined if it rained. Some of them were big, but I managed to find spots for each of them. Even if those spots happened to be in Port Angelas…

He stared at me, gaping. I honestly thought his jaw was going to hit the floor the way they always showed it in the cartoons. His whole body shook. His mouth moved but no words came out. He was astonished.

"_CARLISLE_!" he finally managed to yell. I was laughing to myself when our father figure emerged from the house. He took one look at Emmett and got some semblance of what was going on.

"Oh no, I am not getting in the middle of this. I don't want to get involved. I have already seen too many of you naked," he looked at me, "in leather, " he looked at Bella, " or in very compromising positions." He stared at Emmett.

"I want no part of this," he added and went to turn away.

"I'll tell you who took the chocolate syrup!" Emmett called as Carlisle began to walk away. He froze.

_Oh no! Esme was right...they know!_

I shuddered uncontrollably. That was _not_ something I ever wanted to think about.

"I give Emmett, what is going on around here?" he asked curiously. The suspicion in his voice was incredible.

"Edward…took apart…my jeep," he choked out. He held the hood ornament out to Carlisle as proof. Carlisle shook his head.

"Now Edward why would you do that?" he asked, clearly already fed up with this situation.

"Condoms," I replied. He looked puzzled and understandably so.

"Emmett decided it would be funny to throw condoms at me last night because Charlie took it upon himself to buy some for Bella and I. Well all said and done one of them ended up at her house last night and her father found it. He found it troubling, to say the least."

Carlisle suppressed a smile and nodded.

_Poor Bella, she must have been mortified…_

Carlisle's thoughts accurately described it. I would have been too if I was the one stuck in that position.

"Did you wreck any part of the jeep Edward?" he asked.

"Absolutely not. All the parts are completely intact. If he finds them all the jeep will work when he puts it back together."

Emmett was shuddering with rage. I could tell by his facial expression that he was infuriated. I only found that more amusing. I would teach him to mess with my car or throw condoms at me. He turned and stalked toward the garage again. I growled as I heard the thoughts that went through his mind.

"Emmett if you even have even _one_ more thought about messing with the Vanquish I will kill you slowly," I warned. He just growled back and slunk off to try and find parts of the jeep.

All told it took him three weeks to find every last part. In the end I had helped him find some of them because he couldn't. Rosalie put it back together, finding it more an interesting project than a nuisance. I thought he had finally given up the pranks and surrendered. I was the master. There was nothing he could do to top this.

It wasn't until a few weeks later I found out I was wrong.

I was at Bella's while her father was out watching some football game with some of his friends. I was indulging Bella that day, letting her think she was pushing my boundaries. Really I had just moved them slightly to be a little more relaxed and was letting her find the lines again.

My shirt was on the floor along with hers. She had a camisole on under it but it was small and hugged every curve of her body. I was enjoying it. I was letting her kiss my chest and stomach, taking in the pleasure of her lips against my skin. I was lost in it. Her lips had just placed a kiss below my navel when the door slammed open.

"BELLA!" her father shouted. We were in what looked like a very bad position. Charlie would never believe how in control I really was.

Bella sat up suddenly and looked at him in total shock. She looked between her father and me. Charlie was turning a dangerous color, noticing his scantily clad daughter, her half naked boyfriend and the place her mouth had appeared to be the moment before. Oh no.

"I can explain," she stuttered. I had heard that before.

"You know when Carlisle called me to come home and check on you, I thought that you were ill or something Bella. I had no idea…I thought you said…oh OUT EDWARD!" he bellowed. I looked apologetically at Bella, scooped up my shirt and then went out the door, glancing at her once more over my shoulder.

But as I made my way out the door a realization hit me. Carlisle had called Charlie to check on Bella? Oh I think not. That _bastard_!

Emmett.

He was going to die.

_AN: Hope you enjoyed that one, it was a doozy to write. But fun, very fun._


End file.
